soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
