Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
