went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im holly from the hills drunk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
