I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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