i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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