May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
