Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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