I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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