he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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