I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
