I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
