I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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