Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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