i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
