just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
