i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
