"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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