so explain again why im purple
no
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize