I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
