Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
