going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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