I'm passing your future prison.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
