i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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