my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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