youre lurking in front of me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
