Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
