a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
