two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
