Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
