I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
