i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
