I wish I could punch you in the face.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is classic penis vs brain.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
