I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
