just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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