hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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