Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize