Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
