I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need water and some morals
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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