We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
try to milk me bitch
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize