I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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