Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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