I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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