Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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