Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just google imaged poop.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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