you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
