your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize