I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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