As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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