quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
