She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
