You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
