I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
