all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
