Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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