I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
