I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Damn victory sex feels great
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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