Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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