4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
