I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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