I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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