nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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