Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm like, not good at living.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
