like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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